When Your Boyfriend Is in Your Bathroom

The last time I saw a dude like that I was in college, so that’s where I first met him, he was at a party at the beach.

He was on the way to a date with a girl, and he looked like he was about to take her home.

He said, “I’m in your bathroom,” and we just laughed, and I said, You know what, you’re not.

But he just started getting a little too into it, so we had to get into our car.

And we’re in our car, and we’re like, “Oh my god, what are we going to do?”

We’re like trying to figure out what to do, but it’s just like a blur.

And he’s like, “‘Oh, it’s your bathroom.’

We’re just like, ‘No, no, no.’

And he just goes, ‘You know what?

We’re going to fuck you.’

And it was like, Fuck, that was the first time I felt like I was being physically violated.

I was like OK, well, that’s not a good start to this.

So then we’re driving home, and it was so bad.

We were in our vehicle, and then he goes, “Get in the car.”

And I said to my wife, “Wait, where’s the fucking car?”

And she goes, “‘The bathtub,'” and I go, ‘What?!’

And she said, ‘The bathtubs are for when you go to the bathroom.’

So we’re trying to pull out of the parking lot, and you can’t get out of that car, so it was really awkward.

We finally pulled into the car and I went, “What?”

He goes, [sings] “I got a problem with you, I got a fucking problem with your bathroom.”

And he goes [singing] “Oh, that’ll never work, I can’t stand you in there, I’m going to make you do it.”

And we were like, What?

It was like a scene out of a porno, but we were just like trying not to freak out.

And then he’s on the couch, and when he’s getting into the bathroom, I had never seen a dude get in there before, so he’s in there for like, five minutes and he’s not even trying to get out.

I mean, I guess I’m just trying to keep it in perspective.

It was really weird.

So that’s when he starts saying, “It’s my fault you’re in there,” and it got to the point where I was just like [sarcastic] [sighs], “What did you say?”

And he was like “I didn’t say anything,” and then I was trying to find the word “no” and I couldn’t find it, and the next thing I know I was screaming at him, “You’re the one who said you don’t want to fuck me, not me, the one that told me you don`t want to do it.

That was just a lie.

So I’m like, [mimics crying] I’m so sorry, I don’t wanna hurt you.

“So I told him that I didn’t want him to do anything, and that’s all I was saying, and all I had to do was tell him that, and nothing would ever change.

And it’s been like this, I haven’t been physically violated in the bathtub.

I don`ve ever seen a guy get in my car, I just don’t know if I want to see that again.

And that’s how bad it is.

He’s the only guy that’s ever been in my shower before.

He told me that he was the only dude in my room who wasn’t a virgin.

That’s how I feel about my own experience, I have a guy in my bedroom who’s never been in a bathtub before, but I’m not sure if I’m the only one who is.